Burning in paradise

Tag: BNP101X

  • RADIO BNP101.X Episode 21: Heat Wave

    tracklist
    that way ft. Jeremih & rick ross by wale
    next to you by Erykah badu, the alchemist
    little things you do by double
    same ol mistake by rihanna
    not fair by leon Thomas
    party favors by leon Thomas
    summertimes in that cutlass by nipsey hussle
    when i come around by dom kennedy
    chill baby by sza
    special by sza
    you ft. lil wayne by Lloyd
    fun! by vince staple
    life is beautiful by larry June, 2 chainz, the alchemist
    Spider-Man superman by partynextdoor, drake
    smuckers ft. lil wayne, kanye west ft. tyler the creator
    lagrimes by bilin gang, boobassking, dahian el apechao
    chambonea – live version by omega
    Agosto by bad bunny
    callaita by bad bunny, tainy
    pero tu by karol g
    el jefe by Anthony santos

  • Darkness has always been my friend. You’ve comforted me through many nights of tears. Youve extended the days where joy was feeling and not a distant memory. I look forward to stars looking down on me with pity and when moon teases me with her curves. I can’t help but stare until morning. 

    When I drive home from the bar, I stop by the airport to share a cigarette with you while the world sleeps. You never say much but I’ve never much of a talker myself. 

    I cant sleep if it’s me you and stranger in my bed. 

    Remember when I cried on Christmas night listening to Coltrane? The streets were glowing green and red from the stoplight. I thought, “what am I doing out here?” I thought of everyone at home with their families sleeping. And yet I felt empty in mine. So drove another hour looking for love. 

    You lived inside of me since.. since the beginning when I would get lashes for not knowing how to read, and father had a bad day at work. 

    Since I decided I’d go out in blaze of glory if the pain never stopped. 

    Since painkillers and marijuana found a place on my shelf when you were more than I could handle. 

    I’ve somehow found meaning in you. That life is suffering. And darkness maybe the only twilight through it all. When the world stops and the phone dies and television turns off. You hold me close like a mother wolf. 

    My eyes dilate when you come around every night to put me to bed. My heart calms to know you’re only a few moments away. The last thing I see, the last thing I’ll see. I’ve enjoyed our time together and another night is more than enough for me. 

  • A quick lesson in honor

    Watching America lost its way as billionaire and corporations buyout your local politicians, I think about how far we’ve fallen as a country. Not that we’re great to begin with morally but there was a sense that, given a fair shot you could make something of yourself. That there was a mist of honor that hovered over the grass in the morning. But it feels like words like honor and righteous have long fallen from the American vocabulary. 

    A few weeks ago I came across an old Joe Rogan clip from when he sat down with comedian Ali Siddiq, where Ali explains how a fight between two pimp taught him a value lesson in honor that’s stay with his life. 

    Honor use to be something I would hear in old kung fu or samurai movies but never truly understood what these righteous characters were talking about. I got the sense that the villains didn’t have respect or over stepped their power to bully people. That because they were able to bully the weak they would for nothing more than selfish reasons. 

    Today like the old kung fu movies we have the exact same plot on the political stage and everyone’s waiting for the golden boy to come and save us. 

    I’m not I’m going to wait around for someone to save me, I rather become what I want to see. I righteous man with honor and self respect for me and others.

  • mio in the shore

    over the weekend as i was surfing the web, i came across a still image with a quote at the bottom. i read the quote and for whatever reason, the quote stuck a chord in me. i looked a little deeper and found that the image was actually a screen grab for a movie called, mio on the shore. thats usually enough for me to check out a strange movie.

    so i found it online and watched it over two days.
    the main character is 20 year old mio, who is super reserve and rarely speaks. super timid, even if she’s in the midst of a conversation it just head nods and innocence gazes. seemingly when the movie starts mio hasn’t really found her way in the world. she still lives at home under the guidance of her grandmother.
    i got the feeling that her family was very understanding of mio and her timidness. they just accept her for who she it. anywhere else in the world they may have got to a doctor and say, “something wrong with my daughter.” even while watching a question if there was something wrong with mio, thank you western medicine. in this world is people who don’t fit into a certain set of parameters are sent to the doctor to be “fixed”. but beautifully for mio she just allowed to be her.
    it touched me to find a character than can unapologetically themselves and not be a huge personally like clint eastwood or Samuel l. Jackson. and no one’s trying to change her, her friends aren’t trying to make her more out going, her sister at one point just sit with her in silence as the stare off into the distance. there was a huge sense of patience for mio, she given a lot of grace and time to figure herself and find her words. as i watch i almost envied her a bit. even if she was silent no one imposed on her.
    in my experience being quiet and timid can be enough to get bullied or taken advantage of. it seen as a weakness where i’m from. family member would find it rude if i didn’t speak to them, friends may take it as you’re trying to act high and mighty, like you’re too good for them. its really quite an odd phenomena when you think about it. people don’t know what to make of your silence and the easiest thing to do is thing negative of nothing.
    as the movie goes on she leaves town and start to branch out a bit, she encounter so really good people. strangers and neighbors that you would want to live next to in real life. these strangers, later friends, open mio’s world and exposing her to what community can be with the right people as she help run a bath house.

    nothing wild and adventurous happens, there is no shoot out or revenge plot. i don’t really think there is a plot. but its great movie to watch about a young lady trying to blossom.

    to watch click here: https://geo.dailymotion.com/player.html?video=x8hpf6k

    oh i almost forgot, i took some screenshots of scene i thought were cool and looked good.

  • we’re neither good nor evil, were both
    good and evil.
    men don’t stand on one leg alone
    it’s the sun and the moon
    not the devil on one shoulder
    and an angel on the other

    it’s a demon with a halo
    and an angel with horns

  • what has been stuck on your mind recently?

    I’ve been struggling with the idea of love in my life. whether i should focus on myself or whether let anyone into this chaotic minefield of life? part of me says that it isn’t fair to bring someone into my shit but the other half ask if i’m not deserving of love. and either way i hack it i can’t talk myself into believing one side more than the other. i do have a responsibility to deal with my issues and not pass them on to my future children, or dump them on my friends and family. Everyone has something going on and me yapping about my problems isn’t going to help theirs. i mean that’s what i thought friends were for, to talk out your issues but it’s been made clear to me that my issues need professional attention. which i partly agree with but that requires resources i don’t have or resources that would be better suited else where. i don’t know I’ve also never been good at spending money on myself, another issue of mine.

    but with that being said i’m somewhat of a hopeless romantic. love is what I’ve wanted, since i was a child. watching stupid rom-coms and fucking Disney movies you can only hope that one day you’ll live happily ever after. that you’ll drive off into the sunset with the love of your life. fuck i hate the way that sounds when i say it out loud but it’s my sad reality. i want someone to share memories with and someone to tell me is going to be okay when it’s not. Someone to die for someone to fight for. someone’s hand to hold through it all.

    but that shit doesn’t exist, at least not for people like me.

    see my mind is sick and it has been for quite some time now. i thought i could get through to the other side. that all i had to do is just white knuckle it till a better day, to a better place but it’s getting worst. I’ve always been a bit on edge but this is probably the closest I’ve been to the edge. i think part of it just the situation i am in. sure my past has a lot to do with what i am today but if i can just get away from all this. maybe it’ll be a step in the right direction.

    with all that i suppose to just welcome someone with open arms and what, give them a trigger warning? like hey i have a few screws loose. that’s not fair. i’m playing with load dices. and i can’t ask someone to love that. So i guess i go at it alone til.. i don’t know.. how much longer i have here. it’s a fucked situation i’m tired of being alone but simultaneously i understand why i am or why i should be. its just it a long dark road i walk everyday and every night on the way to own personal hell. and before it’s all said and done i just want to have matter to someone, you know? leave in impact and a story to be told and passed down if even for a generation.

    this has been months of going back and forth, back and forth… i really don’t what to do…

  • Tyler sat down in london for an interview/panel discussion hosted by converse a few days ago. Tyler is a huge influence on me and was a huge influence for me to do my own thing no matter what other people think. From time to time i still need to be reminded. so when he drops an interview, i always make an effort to put my phone down and pay attention for a bit. today I thought maybe i’d be a good idea to take notes on what stands out to me so that i can better grasp and digest the ideas he sharing with us.

    1. if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
    2. keep creating, and explore random ideas
    3. your passions and your creations are your resume
    4. if you like it, run with it. If people don’t understand it, it doesnt mean you’re wrong
    5. you have the internet, use it
    6. use what you have around you, you don’t need the best
    7. have honest people around you, not yes men

    1. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

    Tyler and the Clancys have been together since the very beginning. they signed tyler when bastard was taking over the internet and through out the years they’ve built and maintain a great relationship that allow tyler to flourish as an artist. they all have respect for each other and allow each other to play their role. the Clancys find ways to take tyler delusional ideas and package it for public consumption. they know how to differentiate between tyler’s storm of ideas and support the ones that he seem most passionate about. at anytime tyler could of found new manage and tried something new but he stuck with the guys that believed in him from the very beginning and that type of loyalty is hard to come by nowadays

    2. keep creating, and explore random ideas

    tyler has a lot of ideas, i mean a fuck ton of ideas. and the well never seems to run dry for him. but it’s because he explores ideas even if they don’t pan out to anything. he doesn’t go, “no stupid, i shouldn’t do that,” but rather goes, “this could be cool i wonder what will happen if i look into this.” i think that most of us creative may kill an idea in our mind before we even write it down, i know i’m guilty of it, and all that does it bring self-doubt. explore shit even if it may seem like a distraction for the moment, you might come back to it down the line.

    3. your passions and your creations are your resume

    tyler talked about how converse has so much trust in him and the things he makes. partly cause he can go back as far as 2011 and say these are my ideas and they’ve worked time and time again. he had success prior to partnering with converse and leverages that when he sit down with them to make new and creative ideas that executive may not understand. you have to bet on yourself before you expect others to bet on you.

    4. if you like it, run with it. If people don’t understand it, it doesnt mean you’re wrong

    this one kind of touches back on number 3. you have to like your ideas first. you have to be your first supporter. remember it you selling this idea at the end of the day so if you don’t believe in it, how can you expect others to do the same? think of something you like and follow through with it. just that experience alone with help you in building confidence for the next one.

    5. you have the internet, use it

    the internet is a powerful tool, but nowadays it’s just used to masterbait and waste time. you’re connected to everyone and just about everything if you know what you’re looking for. if you don’t know how to do, look it up on youtube or google it. I’ve even hear of people getting free course from harvard because they just have the information on the school website. the world is literally in your hands

    6. use what you have around you, you don’t need the best

    today must of us have a phone that can do just about anything you need it do. it can take pictures, record videos, record instruments and vocals. it has calendars, alarms, and connection to the internet. start with something simple and build your way up. I’ve definitely have talk myself out of some great ideas because i was worry about equipment quality and ended up killing an idea before i even explore it. and you don’t have to it all yourself. i’m sure that there’s people out there looking to explore these ideas with you. like a child with a sharpie and a white wall, get back to the basics and just create with what you have.

    7. have honest people around you, not yes men

    last but not least you got have people around you that are going to give it to you straight. that doesn’t mean that they have to shit on you or your ideas but someone that can tether you to reality if you ever drift off too far into creativity. it’s a delicate balance but when you find someone that can do that keep ’em around. some of us just have people that are killing our ideas as soon as the idea is vocalized. PROTECT YOUR IDEAS. work your ideas before even hinting that your working on something new. unfortunately dream killers love to shit on anything and everything because they can’t see themselves succeed so they don’t believe anyone around them.

    but you also don’t want someone that just gasses you up to the moon every time you tie your shoes. these people are great when you’re having a bad day and you need someone to remind you who you are and what you’ve done but if they just want to see you happy they may not tell you want you need to hear all the time.

  • i use to think that killing was a bad thing, at least that was the way i was programmed or raised to believe. but i don’t think that it is as simple as good and bad. and i don’t think that killing is inherently evil. i believe that some people are too quick because they’re immature and/or lazy. and America as a whole has that apart of our ethic. the whole “shoot first ask, questions later” approach has brought forth a lot of unnecessary death. i understand if it’s a life or death situation, if your a soldier or you back is against the wall but it seems cowards will have the advantage and claim they were in fear for their life just so that the courts will justify their cowardice as valor.

    i can respect a man that is slow to kill and understands the weight behind of pulling a trigger. a man that is tough without a gun, a man that will toss his gun to the side and fight with his hands.

    but then there’s the other side. the guys that bought a gun and are looking for a reason. guys that wouldn’t kill with their hands. an ignorant man driven by fear and pride. a guy that’s never thrown a punch. guys that are male but not men. these people deserve hell and slow death. they belong with the abusers, the rapist, the ones that claim to be men and take from the weak and poor.

    i don’t believe that everyone is built to face the death of another person. some of us need to be protected and contribute to community and society in different manners. but i think it’s important to know where you stand, can you protect yourself? could you kill someone if you had to and can you live with your decision to justifiability take another man life? and when i say justifiability i don’t mean the legal system saying it’s okay. i mean can you sit with that weight on your soul? if god takes you today, can you answer for your actions?

    that’s the man, the father, the brother, the protector i work towards being. that’s a true killer. and i pray that you can either be that or have someone that can be that for you. because very few men are as honorable as they claim to be.