i was listening to a grits and eggs podcast and they were speaking on faith stunting a person growth and it got me thinking. because at one time my faith was stunting my growth and i have seen people, like my father, faith limit and or restrict them because they can’t see beyond what the church has told them. i had to step away from the church because i was at alter crying every weekend.. because i’m being told by my parents that i’m a bad person, that if i don’t listen to them that i was going to be punished by god and ultimately go to hell. being a child and having no understanding of the world around you and not being able to question anything, your worldview become very small. you just start to do thing because that’s what you’ve been told to do, not understanding your own autonomy or having personal respect. you just follow what everyone around you is doing because thats what seems right.
man once stepped away and educated myself, began to understand what and who i am, where my people come from. i was able to love myself and respect myself because my faith didn’t supersede everything. and looking back it made me angry that was forced into the church without guidance of the actual world. I don’t know my lineage, or my grandmother, i don’t have family stories to pass on to my children. all i have is guilt for trying to pursue the things that make me happy and a long list of things i have to unlearn to continue to grow into the person i want to be. unfortunately i have to step away from my father because the church supersedes the relationship he has with his children. for him there is no question the church. and reading anything other than the bible is a disservice to myself. it sucks for real but it’s a sad truth. and no one, no matter who they are is worth me staying ignorant. I’ve been ignorant, and i’m upset i was so ignorant for so long, if only i had the opportunities for critical thought, and the understanding on reason.
a person has to be able to question and ask why. blind faith is not faith if you can think for yourself. anything reasonable and sound should be able to be questioned and not shun you for having any questions, big or small.
Burning in paradise 