i don’t care if you don’t like me, the world doesn’t like me. and when you have nothing to lose.. you have everything to gain.
I’ve endure a pain that was unnecessary and unfair but that’s the way of the world. what i am going to do about it? complain. yeah, a little bit because were all human and flawed and even a warriors shield has cracks in it after battle. but what makes man great is that we push through. even when there’s no chance for survival. a lesson i wish i would’ve of learned a long time ago. you don’t let the pain consume you and take the reins. you stare it in the mirror, down your beer and get back to work ’til you fail again and again and again. ’til your knees are weak and you back is sore. that’s what separates the greats from the ordinary, from cowboys from the cow pokes. “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” -William Shakespeare
And the only thing in the way of greatness is me. I’ve always said if I could get out of my own way.. I’d be great but I wasn’t that I was in my own way it was that I didn’t know. I didn’t have the information I didn’t know what more to give given the limitation that were given to me. I bare the weight of the world on these shoulders and the weight of society in my mind. The only choice I have is to be great because for some reason I was chosen.. and these blessing have been bestowed upon me. So the question isn’t why me? But why not?
Greatness can be given but respect must earn. Hard work and hard times are just apart of any man’s story. And the only thing promised is death. a warrior’s dreams and a warrior’s nightmare.
I’ve been struggling with the idea of love in my life. whether i should focus on myself or whether let anyone into this chaotic minefield of life? part of me says that it isn’t fair to bring someone into my shit but the other half ask if i’m not deserving of love. and either way i hack it i can’t talk myself into believing one side more than the other. i do have a responsibility to deal with my issues and not pass them on to my future children, or dump them on my friends and family. Everyone has something going on and me yapping about my problems isn’t going to help theirs. i mean that’s what i thought friends were for, to talk out your issues but it’s been made clear to me that my issues need professional attention. which i partly agree with but that requires resources i don’t have or resources that would be better suited else where. i don’t know I’ve also never been good at spending money on myself, another issue of mine.
but with that being said i’m somewhat of a hopeless romantic. love is what I’ve wanted, since i was a child. watching stupid rom-coms and fucking Disney movies you can only hope that one day you’ll live happily ever after. that you’ll drive off into the sunset with the love of your life. fuck i hate the way that sounds when i say it out loud but it’s my sad reality. i want someone to share memories with and someone to tell me is going to be okay when it’s not. Someone to die for someone to fight for. someone’s hand to hold through it all.
but that shit doesn’t exist, at least not for people like me.
see my mind is sick and it has been for quite some time now. i thought i could get through to the other side. that all i had to do is just white knuckle it till a better day, to a better place but it’s getting worst. I’ve always been a bit on edge but this is probably the closest I’ve been to the edge. i think part of it just the situation i am in. sure my past has a lot to do with what i am today but if i can just get away from all this. maybe it’ll be a step in the right direction.
with all that i suppose to just welcome someone with open arms and what, give them a trigger warning? like hey i have a few screws loose. that’s not fair. i’m playing with load dices. and i can’t ask someone to love that. So i guess i go at it alone til.. i don’t know.. how much longer i have here. it’s a fucked situation i’m tired of being alone but simultaneously i understand why i am or why i should be. its just it a long dark road i walk everyday and every night on the way to own personal hell. and before it’s all said and done i just want to have matter to someone, you know? leave in impact and a story to be told and passed down if even for a generation.
this has been months of going back and forth, back and forth… i really don’t what to do…
Tyler sat down in london for an interview/panel discussion hosted by converse a few days ago. Tyler is a huge influence on me and was a huge influence for me to do my own thing no matter what other people think. From time to time i still need to be reminded. so when he drops an interview, i always make an effort to put my phone down and pay attention for a bit. today I thought maybe i’d be a good idea to take notes on what stands out to me so that i can better grasp and digest the ideas he sharing with us.
if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
keep creating, and explore random ideas
your passions and your creations are your resume
if you like it, run with it. If people don’t understand it, it doesnt mean you’re wrong
you have the internet, use it
use what you have around you, you don’t need the best
have honest people around you, not yes men
1. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
Tyler and the Clancys have been together since the very beginning. they signed tyler when bastard was taking over the internet and through out the years they’ve built and maintain a great relationship that allow tyler to flourish as an artist. they all have respect for each other and allow each other to play their role. the Clancys find ways to take tyler delusional ideas and package it for public consumption. they know how to differentiate between tyler’s storm of ideas and support the ones that he seem most passionate about. at anytime tyler could of found new manage and tried something new but he stuck with the guys that believed in him from the very beginning and that type of loyalty is hard to come by nowadays
2. keep creating, and explore random ideas
tyler has a lot of ideas, i mean a fuck ton of ideas. and the well never seems to run dry for him. but it’s because he explores ideas even if they don’t pan out to anything. he doesn’t go, “no stupid, i shouldn’t do that,” but rather goes, “this could be cool i wonder what will happen if i look into this.” i think that most of us creative may kill an idea in our mind before we even write it down, i know i’m guilty of it, and all that does it bring self-doubt. explore shit even if it may seem like a distraction for the moment, you might come back to it down the line.
3. your passions and your creations are your resume
tyler talked about how converse has so much trust in him and the things he makes. partly cause he can go back as far as 2011 and say these are my ideas and they’ve worked time and time again. he had success prior to partnering with converse and leverages that when he sit down with them to make new and creative ideas that executive may not understand. you have to bet on yourself before you expect others to bet on you.
4. if you like it, run with it. If people don’t understand it, it doesnt mean you’re wrong
this one kind of touches back on number 3. you have to like your ideas first. you have to be your first supporter. remember it you selling this idea at the end of the day so if you don’t believe in it, how can you expect others to do the same? think of something you like and follow through with it. just that experience alone with help you in building confidence for the next one.
5. you have the internet, use it
the internet is a powerful tool, but nowadays it’s just used to masterbait and waste time. you’re connected to everyone and just about everything if you know what you’re looking for. if you don’t know how to do, look it up on youtube or google it. I’ve even hear of people getting free course from harvard because they just have the information on the school website. the world is literally in your hands
6. use what you have around you, you don’t need the best
today must of us have a phone that can do just about anything you need it do. it can take pictures, record videos, record instruments and vocals. it has calendars, alarms, and connection to the internet. start with something simple and build your way up. I’ve definitely have talk myself out of some great ideas because i was worry about equipment quality and ended up killing an idea before i even explore it. and you don’t have to it all yourself. i’m sure that there’s people out there looking to explore these ideas with you. like a child with a sharpie and a white wall, get back to the basics and just create with what you have.
7. have honest people around you, not yes men
last but not least you got have people around you that are going to give it to you straight. that doesn’t mean that they have to shit on you or your ideas but someone that can tether you to reality if you ever drift off too far into creativity. it’s a delicate balance but when you find someone that can do that keep ’em around. some of us just have people that are killing our ideas as soon as the idea is vocalized. PROTECT YOUR IDEAS. work your ideas before even hinting that your working on something new. unfortunately dream killers love to shit on anything and everything because they can’t see themselves succeed so they don’t believe anyone around them.
but you also don’t want someone that just gasses you up to the moon every time you tie your shoes. these people are great when you’re having a bad day and you need someone to remind you who you are and what you’ve done but if they just want to see you happy they may not tell you want you need to hear all the time.
i use to think that killing was a bad thing, at least that was the way i was programmed or raised to believe. but i don’t think that it is as simple as good and bad. and i don’t think that killing is inherently evil. i believe that some people are too quick because they’re immature and/or lazy. and America as a whole has that apart of our ethic. the whole “shoot first ask, questions later” approach has brought forth a lot of unnecessary death. i understand if it’s a life or death situation, if your a soldier or you back is against the wall but it seems cowards will have the advantage and claim they were in fear for their life just so that the courts will justify their cowardice as valor.
i can respect a man that is slow to kill and understands the weight behind of pulling a trigger. a man that is tough without a gun, a man that will toss his gun to the side and fight with his hands.
but then there’s the other side. the guys that bought a gun and are looking for a reason. guys that wouldn’t kill with their hands. an ignorant man driven by fear and pride. a guy that’s never thrown a punch. guys that are male but not men. these people deserve hell and slow death. they belong with the abusers, the rapist, the ones that claim to be men and take from the weak and poor.
i don’t believe that everyone is built to face the death of another person. some of us need to be protected and contribute to community and society in different manners. but i think it’s important to know where you stand, can you protect yourself? could you kill someone if you had to and can you live with your decision to justifiability take another man life? and when i say justifiability i don’t mean the legal system saying it’s okay. i mean can you sit with that weight on your soul? if god takes you today, can you answer for your actions?
that’s the man, the father, the brother, the protector i work towards being. that’s a true killer. and i pray that you can either be that or have someone that can be that for you. because very few men are as honorable as they claim to be.
I found myself doom scrolling and I came across this youtuber, Dasia Sade, that has a very interesting take on capitalism and nihilism. She uses the words “nihilistic capitalism”, which I haven’t heard used together before. I’ve heard of them being used separately but I never thought of using those words in the same phrase. I always viewed the two ideas separately. I thought of capitalism as a system and nihilism as a philosophy but the way she explains nihilistic capitalism hit home for me. It explained perfectly this feeling I’ve been having as I attempt to fill a void with online content after a long day of work where I worked hard and still feel fucked at the end of the week. It explains the same system that my employer tries to impose on us, telling us to work harder, faster, and longer but won’t consider offering avenues for raises in pay. At the end of the day, I blamed myself for feeling miserable, questioning if I worked hard enough while scrolling online and watching friends living their best lives.
This video not only piqued my curiosity in nihilism again but also gave a better understanding of what nihilism is. Before I watched this video, I believed that Nihilism was just a negative point of view or better said a perceptive in which the hopeless found hope. Now I see Nihilism as more of a reaction to the environment in which one is in, looking for meaning in the meaningless. I know these two ideas sound oddly similar but the perceptive switch comes from the meaning of nihilism to the cause of nihilistic thought.
Burning in paradise 