Burning in paradise

Tag: poetry

  • Love

    I grew up thinking that 

    Love would be enough. Because

    I didn’t have love and I thought that’s all I needed. at home. 

    love like in the movies, father and son playing catch

    Or the geek getting the cheerleader

    the best friend that would help hide the bodies

    But I didn’t know how the world worked. 

    I didn’t know about the crooked cops

    The soulless politicians, the pimp and preacher, the whore with the beautiful smile, the NRA, the panthers, Joe Pesci, bourdain. 

    I thought it was all black and white

    And in some ways it still is. But love

    Can only get you so far. 

    You need pain and frustration, for a better fuck

    Tears to truly enjoy joy

    Humor for survival, to laugh throw the tears

    Love… love is the sci-fantasy with shitty ending and bad accountant that blew the budget

    Love is bad shroom trip in a public place

    Love is taking a shit and realizing you don’t have toilet paper 

  • Darkness has always been my friend. You’ve comforted me through many nights of tears. Youve extended the days where joy was feeling and not a distant memory. I look forward to stars looking down on me with pity and when moon teases me with her curves. I can’t help but stare until morning. 

    When I drive home from the bar, I stop by the airport to share a cigarette with you while the world sleeps. You never say much but I’ve never much of a talker myself. 

    I cant sleep if it’s me you and stranger in my bed. 

    Remember when I cried on Christmas night listening to Coltrane? The streets were glowing green and red from the stoplight. I thought, “what am I doing out here?” I thought of everyone at home with their families sleeping. And yet I felt empty in mine. So drove another hour looking for love. 

    You lived inside of me since.. since the beginning when I would get lashes for not knowing how to read, and father had a bad day at work. 

    Since I decided I’d go out in blaze of glory if the pain never stopped. 

    Since painkillers and marijuana found a place on my shelf when you were more than I could handle. 

    I’ve somehow found meaning in you. That life is suffering. And darkness maybe the only twilight through it all. When the world stops and the phone dies and television turns off. You hold me close like a mother wolf. 

    My eyes dilate when you come around every night to put me to bed. My heart calms to know you’re only a few moments away. The last thing I see, the last thing I’ll see. I’ve enjoyed our time together and another night is more than enough for me. 

  • we’re neither good nor evil, were both
    good and evil.
    men don’t stand on one leg alone
    it’s the sun and the moon
    not the devil on one shoulder
    and an angel on the other

    it’s a demon with a halo
    and an angel with horns

  • Some Substance: Capitalistic Nihilism

    I found myself doom scrolling and I came across this youtuber, Dasia Sade, that has a very interesting take on capitalism and nihilism. She uses the words “nihilistic capitalism”, which I haven’t heard used together before. I’ve heard of them being used separately but I never thought of using those words in the same phrase. I always viewed the two ideas separately. I thought of capitalism as a system and nihilism as a philosophy but the way she explains nihilistic capitalism hit home for me. It explained perfectly this feeling I’ve been having as I attempt to fill a void with online content after a long day of work where I worked hard and still feel fucked at the end of the week. It explains the same system that my employer tries to impose on us, telling us to work harder, faster, and longer but won’t consider offering avenues for raises in pay. At the end of the day, I blamed myself for feeling miserable, questioning if I worked hard enough while scrolling online and watching friends living their best lives.

    This video not only piqued my curiosity in nihilism again but also gave a better understanding of what nihilism is. Before I watched this video, I believed that Nihilism was just a negative point of view or better said a perceptive in which the hopeless found hope. Now I see Nihilism as more of a reaction to the environment in which one is in, looking for meaning in the meaningless. I know these two ideas sound oddly similar but the perceptive switch comes from the meaning of nihilism to the cause of nihilistic thought.