Everyday day and night my mind goes to war with itself. My thoughts are like the storming Normandy, my nerves are shellshocked, and fighting is the only thing I have to make it out of this nightmare. But even when I finally have a day, where I can relax, where I find peace, I search for war, I daydream of violence. It’s almost exciting. It’s almost as if I’m looking forward to for those moments.
It’s the rush of seasoned war veteran.
I’ve done oil my rifle and load my clips waiting to serve my country. I started fighting as child and I became a man with this gun in my hand. I can’t imagine living without it.
But after the wars and the battles, after the lost brothers and bruises. I don’t know what to do with my gun. I’ve brought back demons and memories and lost my innocence for the greater good. I paid the price for war in more than blood. My spirit no longer know the calms of river. It only knows the tides of ocean. The waves of a thunderstorms, the shine of lightning, the scorns of the gods.
The Morning sun loss a bit of its novelty every raise and nights are but a wrinkle in time from a life I can no longer reach for. And still I oil my gun and load my clips ready for my last and final war.
KAZMALOOP has interesting perspective on Vince Staples
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”
This nihilist perspective has caught my interest, as I find myself somewhere between nihilism and pessimism. Everything around feels superficial or performative. No one wants to be honest while simultaneously no one can be. To truly be vulnerable is to show weakness, and if both our backs are against the wall the majority of people will exploit your weakness if it means they can be a step above you. No matter the relationship with the person. All relationships are power dynamics with an ever-shifting scale.
So what do you do when you think you have to be the toughest in the room if it means you’ll be at peace? You come into every room prepared for war, with a layer of armor so thick that not even you yourself can remove it. Ready to destroy anyone if they challenge or cross the line with you. Look at our music, look at our movies. Every character is a balancing act trying to appear sane amongst the insanity of the reality we participate in daily. No different from the people watching to escape their own reality.
There’s a cost to be free, it was I think Nietzsche is getting at. You can’t stare into the abyss and believe what you see as normal. The only way out is to know the abyss, without losing your sanity. To live in this duality, where what you know you are doing is wrong but it’s your means of survival. To be wrong and be alive at the cost of your sanity long enough to find peace.
Fuck man, every time i’m about to fall asleep I find a piece of internet gold that keeps me up for another few hours. I’ve been typing Max Schaaf’s name into a bunch of search boxes and abusing the infinite scroll. I found a couple of clips!
1. DicE Magazine did a little short on Max.
2. Vans x. 4Q(Max Schaaf) collab on a Sk8 mid. This is their commercial for it. Showing off his shop and the personal touches he did for the collab. I’m definitely going to add this song to my library.
3. Max Schaaf’s Non Fiction Part. In the Lone Skater article I wrote, Max talk about living in Oakland (in the video) and having a bunch of the neighborhood kids come by and just hang out with him at his mom’s place. You get to see some rad clips in this parts of some of the kids doing some fakie ollie on Max’s ramp. They probably had no idea who Max was in the skate world to them, to them he was just the crazy guy with a skatepark in his house across the street.
4. BIG HONGRY! I’ve been seeing Big Hongry on Thrasher and on Instagram, interviewing skaters and making music. Bro can really rap! From what I can piece together he owns and runs a shop in California somewhere. He seems to be plugged into the scene out there. Which is awesome because I haven’t seen many dude like him on the more rugged side of skating in the mix with big profile name. Shoutout to Big Hongry! But tonight I found his sit down with Max Schaaf on his podcast, Break Free. Him and Max talk about growing up with Jake, Phil Sato and bunch other names that do really get the commercial recognition but are legend in their own right. You had to be there to see it but if you didn’t see it people like Max mentioning their names pushes their legacy further into the spot light to get their just due. Max even gives an update on the kids from the last video in a full circle moment.
I was watching a vlog from The Chronicle YouTube series, a channel I came across a few years ago when I really started getting into Honda. They had a few vlogs on some time they spent in Osaka, Japan with member of the No Good Racing team. They’re insane and pretty raw.
While watching I came across this guy, Yuta Akaishi, and for years I didn’t know what his name was or much about him really. All I knew was that he was a solid mechanic, smoked cigarettes and seem to know what the hell he was talking about when it came to cars. At the time I really didn’t know much about cars, you think you know about cars but when you open the hood and start pulling bolts and covers off, you quickly find out you really don’t know shit. But for whatever reason I liked dude. He seem genuine and he had taste for the way he was doing things. I guess you can say I liked his style.
I kept watching the YouTube series here and there. And then all the sudden I stopped for whatever reason. But when I came back to the series Yuta wasn’t in front of the camera anymore. I wonder what had happened but I didn’t even know how to ask the question in the comments cause I didn’t even know bro’s name.
Fast forward to today I saw The Chronicles release a new video blog and Joey (the cameraman and face of the brand) mentioned some guy name Yuta and how they don’t really talk or whatever. Instantly I thought, “Is that the name of dude from the earlier videos I watched years back?” Scrolled down to the comments and read what the people were saying. There were some theories as to what had happened between Joey and the mystery man Yuta. but at the end of my comments dive I got a full name, Yuta Akaishi. So googled the name and there he was. The mystery mechanic I had seen years ago in the vlogs of Osaka.
There wasn’t much on the guy but some articles about an 240z he had built years ago, some old vlogs of course and an old article on a 97 civic that he was doing time attack in. From what the comments under the vlog said Yuta didn’t want to be in front of the camera anymore or that he wanted more privacy, which as a viewer sucks but I understand that. Not everything is meant to be shared or for public consumption.
After years of curiosity, I can finally put a name to the face
I’ll add the links to some of the article written on him and some of the vlog that he was apart of during his time at the chronicles. I don’t know maybe you’ll see what I see, maybe you’ll like his work as well.
I know I posted a bunch of video in this post but definitely check out the one below. It’s Yuta racing his 97 civic, same one from the speedhunters article above. He rips!
Burning in paradise 